I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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