I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Rumble strips road head = magical
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
