How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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