wanna go halves on a baby?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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