Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How's work?
Spinning.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
