You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
