He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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