I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
