I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
