I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
