Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
