Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
