I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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