We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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