That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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