Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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