I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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