Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
