no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
