They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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