it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
