Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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