My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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