btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
