Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
