im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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