I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
A bitchslap is in order.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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