I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
BRING THE BAGELS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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