I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
