:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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