Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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