Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
