Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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