He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
