her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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