I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
