I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
