my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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