I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
