i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
