Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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