Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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