oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
