Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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