i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
