I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
