I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
