I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
