Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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