homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
