I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
