How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
