It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
