We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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